Message #331224

[KnightsFan]

Once again, I enjoyed your latest story.

The only quibble I have about content is that there are too many people for such a short story. It's not a big deal, but when 12 people die quickly with little time taken for each, there's no emotion involved. It's like Stalin said, "The death of one man is a tragedy, the death of a million is a statistic." (Or something like that). It would be more interesting to have fewer characters who have more depth.

Some of your sentences were a tiny bit awkward in the beginning, but not obnoxiously so.

I think I'm getting used to your style, which heightens the stories' enjoyment. It's sort of a detached, aloof story, which becomes more intense, accessible and surreal in the last quarter. The only real problem with that is a reader might get disinterested early on as it looks like just a boring story. That would be a big problem if you wrote a longer story with the same structure, but it's okay for a short story like this one. And, like I said, since I'm used to your style, I kept reading and it was well worth that. Great work!