Count to a Million

[B~T]

6345

... ... ...                                   

[uraw911]

6346

Omega Baldeman?

[MsRowdyRedhead]

6347

Not just anyone can have a custom title...

[Flipz]

6348

Intelligent Life

It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime.
 
As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Lowenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.
 
He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it.
 
"Mr. President," said Dr. Lowenstein, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars."
 
He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown.
 
He said, "But that's impossible . . . we could never do it. . . yes Mr. President," and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously.
 
"I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we've found intelligent life on Mars... he wants us to try to find it in Congress."

[MsRowdyRedhead]

6349

Too Funny...ROFL...

[MsRowdyRedhead]

6351

.......

[Flipz]

6352

Republican or Democrat

A young teenage girl was about to finish her first year of college. She considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat but her father was a rather staunch Republican.

One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to taxes and welfare programs. He stopped her and asked her how she was doing in school.

She answered that she had a 4.0 GPA but it was really tough.  She had to study all the time, never had time to go out and party.  She didn't have time for a boyfriend and didn't really have many college friends because of spending all her time studying.

He asked, "How is your friend Mary." She replied that Mary was barely getting by. She had a 2.0 GPA, never studied, but was very popular on campus, went to all the parties all the time. Why, she often didn't show up for classes because she was hung over.

Dad then asked his daughter why she didn't go to the Dean's office and ask why she couldn't take 1.0 off her 4.0 and give it to her friend who only had a 2.0. That way they would both have a 3.0 GPA.

The daughter angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair, I worked really hard for mine and Mary has done nothing".

The father slowly smiled and said, "Welcome to the Republican Party".

[MsRowdyRedhead]

6353

That one always makes me laugh.

[MsRowdyRedhead]

6355

Wait ten years then read them again...

[MsRowdyRedhead]

6357

A  man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.   

 He  wrote: I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved.

Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"   



An  immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who  wrote:   

SIR:  "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels,

bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night

for being drunk and disorderly. And I've  never had a dog run out on a hotel bill.

Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel.

And, if your dog will vouch for you,  you're welcome to stay here, too."

[uraw911]

6358

dotdotdot

[MsRowdyRedhead]

6359

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:
 
COSTELLO C ALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT                 
 
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
 
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
 
ABBOTT: Mac?
 
COSTELLO: No , the name's Lou .
 
ABBOTT : Your computer?
 
COSTELLO : I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
 
ABBOTT : Mac?
 
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou .
 
ABBOTT : What about Windows?
 
COSTELLO : Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
 
ABBOTT : Do you want a computer with Windows?
 
COSTELLO : I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
 
ABBOTT : Wallpaper.
 
COSTELLO : Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
 
ABBOTT : Software for Windows?
 
C OSTELLO : No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
 
ABBOTT : Office.
 
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
 
ABBOTT : I just did.
 
COSTELLO : You just did what?
 
ABBOTT : Recommend something.
 
COSTELLO : You recommended something ?
 
ABBOTT : Yes.
 
COSTELLO : For my office?
 
ABBOTT : Yes.
 
COSTELLO : OK, what did you recommend for my office?
 
ABBOTT : Office.
 
COSTELLO : Yes, for my office!
 
ABBOTT : I recommend Office with Windows.
 
COSTELLO : I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.  What do I need?
 
ABBOTT : Word.
 
COSTELLO : What word?
 
ABBOTT : Word in Office.
 
COSTELLO : The only word in office is office.
 
ABBOTT : The Word in Office for Windows.
 
COSTELLO : Which word in office for windows?
 
ABBOTT : The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
 
COSTELLO : I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
 
ABBOTT: Money.
 
COSTELLO : That's right. What do you have?
 
ABBOTT : Money.
 
COSTELLO : I need money to track my money?
 
ABBOTT : It comes bundled with your computer.
 
COSTELLO : What's bundled with my computer?
 
ABBOTT : Money.
 
COSTELLO : Money comes with my computer?
 
ABBOTT : Yes. No extra charge.
 
COSTELLO : I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
 
ABBOTT : One copy.
 
COSTELLO : Isn't it illegal to copy money?
 
ABBOTT : Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
 
COSTELLO : They can give you a license to copy money?
 
ABBOTT : Why not? THEY OWN IT!
 
(A few days later)
 
ABBOTT : Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
 
COSTELLO : How do I turn my computer off?
 
ABBOTT : Click on 'START'.............

[uraw911]

6360

[MsRowdyRedhead]

6361


*Fast Driver*


My friend has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through the hills.


Hoping to get off with a warning, she tried to appear shocked when the trooper walked up to the car.


"I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer.


"What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires out?"

[Jas765]

6162

*lol at both*

[uraw911]

6363

[MsRowdyRedhead]

6364

Announcement

Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

We apologize for any inconvenience.

[uraw911]

6365

[MsRowdyRedhead]

6366

"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation.

You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."

~~~ The late Dr. Adrian Rogers , 1931 to 2005

[uraw911]

6367
*tries to think what that means*

Is that happening to the US? (I haven't been following up lately )