Message #262137

[MsRowdyRedhead]

IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS:     He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?
WITNESS:     My name is Susan!
_____________________________ _______________

ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS:     Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_____________________________ _______________

ATTORNEY:  This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS:     Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS:      I forget.
ATTORNEY:  You forget?  Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________ ______________

ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS:   Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_____________________________ _______

ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS:      He's 20,  much like your IQ.
_____________________________ ______________

ATTORNEY:   She had three children , right?
WITNESS:      Yes.
ATTORNEY:   How many were boys?
WITNESS:       None.
ATTORNEY:   Were there any girls?
WITNESS:      Your Honor, can I get a new attorney?
_____________________________ _______________

ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS:      By death..
ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS:      Take a guess.
_____________________________ _______________

ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS:      He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS:      Unless the circus was in town, I'm going with male.
_____________________________ ________

ATTORNEY:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS:    No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_____________________________ _________

ATTORNEY:  Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS:     All of them ... the live ones put up too much of a fight.
_____________________________ ____________


ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS:     The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:      If not, he was by the time I finished.
_____________________________ _______________


And last:

ATTORNEY:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY:  Then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:      Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY:  I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS:     Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.