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Count to a Million

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Author Topic: Count to a Million  (Read 696302 times)
MsRowdyRedhead
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« Reply #70200 on: April 11, 2013, 11:49:14 pm »

70200

Weird weather all around...
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« Reply #70201 on: April 12, 2013, 12:24:55 am »

70201

IKRa
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I like how Saturn posted that like 30 seconds later. Therefore he prepared that image beforehand. My conclusion: he's a man with a plan. A schemer.
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« Reply #70202 on: April 12, 2013, 12:54:59 am »

70202



For those following along in the story: I managed to summon enough guts to go to the lobby (where the event was), but wussed out and cornered up with my computer.  The visitors did seem a little insular, even towards the more outgoing students, though, so I'm fairly certain I wouldn't have done well. Undecided

Still not in a situation to (and still don't have the guts to) ask anyone out.  Frustrating, because I really need the experience, and there are a few candidates that might even turn into something serious.  Really, though, I'm just tired of being one of those people you know at school but never do anything else with.  I need to get out of the house AND do something not related to school (or at least, not directly), something where I interact with people.  I need friends that I can hang out with in a physical space (no offense).

Also frustrating is that I can't shut off my libido.  Having taken a good, hard look at my social interactions as they are, I've realized I'm mostly fine with people if I'm totally unattracted to them.  Unfortunately for me, my body isn't as picky as my brain is--not to mention a certain thing that I don't want to post online because it would cause serious friction with my family if they found out.

I'm weird like that, you know?  I care deeply, and very easily.  People don't have to date me to get to know me pretty dang well.  I wish open hearts like mine were more common.  But really, I need someone--a close friend, a romantic partner--who I can feel safe enough around to open up to and share my deeper worries and problems.  I almost had that at the start of the semester, but then my libido turned on and I'm uncomfortable around them (though at least that experience helped me to come to terms with a truth about me that I've known for a while but hadn't fully accepted).

...dang it.  I keep hoping that, in the heat of the moment, as I'm sharing my feelings here, I'll have the courage to just blurt it to the world.  But I just know that this would destroy my relationship with my parents--even my mother, who has been surprisingly liberal with me on a lot of subjects, wouldn't be able to accept this.  At best, she might keep my secret--at the cost of her marriage to my father--and at worst, she'd try to preach it out of me.  And then I'd have to separate myself from her, 'cause I wouldn't be able to take that--and not only do I not want to have to do that, it's not actually possible, because I'm not independent.

You can see my dillemma.  You can see how there are fundamental parts of myself that I'm deeply repressing, parts that I can only safely expose and repair if I'm independent enough to have some distance between me and my family, so I'm not reliant on them for basic necessities.  Sometimes I wish I'd gotten some scholarship to some city in another state, where I'd have to live apart from my parents--but I've traveled a fair bit in the U.S. and seen more through the news; I don't want to live anywhere but California.  This is my home, this is where my heart lives, and frankly this is the best place for people like me (in several senses of the phrase) to live.  

Problem is, to solve my insecurities so I can stop hiding who I am, I need to become independent; to become independent, I need to get a job; to get a job, I need to solve my insecurities so I can stop hiding who I am.  ARGH!
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« Reply #70203 on: April 12, 2013, 01:22:14 am »

70203

ARGH indeed.
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« Reply #70204 on: April 12, 2013, 02:23:49 pm »

70204

...
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« Reply #70205 on: April 12, 2013, 02:53:58 pm »

70205

Same feeling. I might get to know somebody for a little, feel a bit attracted, but then you realize  later the feeling is probably not mutual, so you have a "mini 'break up'" with the person until the crush is dead. You could always confess your feelings, but I have to be VERY sure she's also into me. I did have a relationship awhile ago, but I didn't really ever talk much to the person, but I asked her out anyways and we just grew on each other. It's good to be good friends with the person first than just jump in and hope there are any cookies left. Be careful with friendzones.
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01/14/14 Just strollin by.
I like how Saturn posted that like 30 seconds later. Therefore he prepared that image beforehand. My conclusion: he's a man with a plan. A schemer.
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« Reply #70206 on: April 12, 2013, 03:35:38 pm »

70206

Happy Friday!



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The dream is free.. the work to achieve it is sold separately.
OOC: An OOC expression of horror would confirm your humanity nicely. Wink
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"If you're not havin a good day, change your mind!!"
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« Reply #70207 on: April 12, 2013, 03:55:45 pm »

70207

So true
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« Reply #70208 on: April 12, 2013, 05:30:20 pm »

70208

Use bitcoin today!
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01/14/14 Just strollin by.
I like how Saturn posted that like 30 seconds later. Therefore he prepared that image beforehand. My conclusion: he's a man with a plan. A schemer.
MsRowdyRedhead
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« Reply #70209 on: April 12, 2013, 05:54:08 pm »

70209

They will find a way to tax it...
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The dream is free.. the work to achieve it is sold separately.
OOC: An OOC expression of horror would confirm your humanity nicely. Wink
MLNO.  The only forum I know where expressions like the one above are commonplace. Tongue
Everyone is frustrating in their own special way.
Quote
"Right is right, even if everyone is against it. Wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it." ♥
"If you're not havin a good day, change your mind!!"
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« Reply #70210 on: April 12, 2013, 06:05:15 pm »

70210

Fine print?
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01/14/14 Just strollin by.
I like how Saturn posted that like 30 seconds later. Therefore he prepared that image beforehand. My conclusion: he's a man with a plan. A schemer.
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« Reply #70211 on: April 12, 2013, 06:54:24 pm »

70211

Who would tax it? The point of bitcoin is it's decentralized.
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« Reply #70212 on: April 12, 2013, 06:58:52 pm »

70211

Taking time doesn't always work; but the main thing I've noticed is that there must be some VEEEEEEERY short timespan for getting things perfectly right. >_>
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« Reply #70213 on: April 12, 2013, 07:07:38 pm »

70212

You mean taxing time?
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01/14/14 Just strollin by.
I like how Saturn posted that like 30 seconds later. Therefore he prepared that image beforehand. My conclusion: he's a man with a plan. A schemer.
MsRowdyRedhead
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« Reply #70214 on: April 12, 2013, 07:36:30 pm »

70213

There is  a movement to tax ALL internet sales... (many posts back)
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The dream is free.. the work to achieve it is sold separately.
OOC: An OOC expression of horror would confirm your humanity nicely. Wink
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« Reply #70215 on: April 12, 2013, 08:17:22 pm »

70215

But there's no way the US govt can legally tax bitcoin. It would be like them taxing money in Runescape, or sales in another country. The US doesn't control it.
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« Reply #70216 on: April 12, 2013, 08:28:57 pm »

70216

Doesn't mean they can't try.

Also, Saturn, I was referring to your reply to the relationship thing. =p
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The forum is a girl? 0_o
I imagine new people coming to the forum expecting to see discussion about LEGO, only to see RPGs full of deranged characters and insane people talking about cheese and brains.
I'm beet. I don't think I'll do homework tonight.
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« Reply #70217 on: April 12, 2013, 10:57:43 pm »

70217

@Blade: well not take too long, but I'd rather know the person and let the person know me, then we could tell if there's interest between us just from conversations and such.

Tax tax tax, what's next; tax for building lego creations?
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« Reply #70218 on: April 12, 2013, 11:14:25 pm »

70218

SHHHH... do not give them any ideas. I am being taxed to the poorhouse already. And NONE of the programs that it is supposed to be paying for are working.
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The dream is free.. the work to achieve it is sold separately.
OOC: An OOC expression of horror would confirm your humanity nicely. Wink
MLNO.  The only forum I know where expressions like the one above are commonplace. Tongue
Everyone is frustrating in their own special way.
Quote
"Right is right, even if everyone is against it. Wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it." ♥
"If you're not havin a good day, change your mind!!"
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« Reply #70219 on: April 12, 2013, 11:29:44 pm »

70219

Saturn: I also take it you aren't troubled by issues with distance stuff or so? That's the one thing I hate about going back and forth between two different places; you never know when you'll be in one city or for how long, so the rest of the time is dependent on email/phone calls; and even when you're in town, there's no guarantee you get to meet up. I suspect the last two friendships I had were shattered simply because of that. -_- (Aside from other possible reasons, like changes of minds or so...)
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I'm a girl - I'm a lesbian.

-==Blade's Story Library==-
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A fresh start for the signature, aside for the libraries.

Blade is laughing ominously RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!
66226
The forum is a girl? 0_o
I imagine new people coming to the forum expecting to see discussion about LEGO, only to see RPGs full of deranged characters and insane people talking about cheese and brains.
I'm beet. I don't think I'll do homework tonight.
So, you're a vegetable? Tongue
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