My Sister's Poem

[Ace]

My sister, for her English class, wrote a poem about paintball. She is an avid paintball fan, like me. ^__^ So, here ya go:

Sneaking and stalking, out of the light
No targets here; no enemy in sight.
Creeping to cover, shots rang through the air
One missed by a mile, one whizzed past my hair.
Gun at the ready with adrenaline pumping
Paintballs were thwacking, paintballs were thumping.

Kneeling and waiting, my body I rested
My skills, so it seemed, were about to be tested.
A comrade popped out, scoping the field
Three shots to his head, in shame, he reeled.
"One left!" yelled the shooter, laughing with glee
My heart started pounding. They were coming for me.

I rolled into position with fingers twitching
Boots scraped at the ground, scratching and skritching.
Under the trees, one lay on the ground
Spotting my prey, I circled around.
He stood up, not ducking for cover
Then I stood, too; we stared at each other.

He looked at me, and then he smiled.
"You're just a girl," he said. "You're just a child."
He chuckled at me, then raised his gun
The battle, to him, has just been won.
I saw the kill intent in his eyes
But I had left one big surprise.

I saw his finger begin to move
I shot like a madman; I had something to prove.
His comrades griped with broken pride
"I can't believe it!" the captain cried,
I got them all in a paint pace whirl
Four guys defeated by a paintball girl.

Message from sis: Thankies for reading! Comments and criticism are welcome. Oh, and you can just call me Anna. =P

[lindavz]

My sister, for her English class, wrote a poem about paintball. She is an avid paintball fan, like me. ^__^ So, here ya go:
Message from sis: Thankies for reading! Comments and criticism are welcome. Oh, and you can just call me Anna. =P

Anna - I am not a big paintball fan (my husband is), but your poem is exquisitely written.  How eloquent for you to write about it in such a way that I feel as though I am there also.

Bravo!

[Ace]

@lindavz (this is Anna): Thank you! That was the goal of my poem -- to write it so that the reader feels that he is smack in the middle of the action. I'm happy to know that I achieved my goal! :-)

[Chase25]

My sister, for her English class, wrote a poem about paintball. She is an avid paintball fan, like me. ^__^ So, here ya go:

Sneaking and stalking, out of the light
No targets here; no enemy in sight.
Creeping to cover, shots rang through the air
One missed by a mile, one whizzed past my hair.
Gun at the ready with adrenaline pumping
Paintballs were thwacking, paintballs were thumping.

Kneeling and waiting, my body I rested
My skills, so it seemed, were about to be tested.
A comrade popped out, scoping the field
Three shots to his head, in shame, he reeled.
"One left!" yelled the shooter, laughing with glee
My heart started pounding. They were coming for me.

I rolled into position with fingers twitching
Boots scraped at the ground, scratching and skritching.
Under the trees, one lay on the ground
Spotting my prey, I circled around.
He stood up, not ducking for cover
Then I stood, too; we stared at each other.

He looked at me, and then he smiled.
"You're just a girl," he said. "You're just a child."
He chuckled at me, then raised his gun
The battle, to him, has just been won.
I saw the kill intent in his eyes
But I had left one big surprise.

I saw his finger begin to move
I shot like a madman; I had something to prove.
His comrades griped with broken pride
"I can't believe it!" the captain cried,
I got them all in a paint pace whirl
Four guys defeated by a paintball girl.

Message from sis: Thankies for reading! Comments and criticism are welcome. Oh, and you can just call me Anna. =P

Bravo! Bravo! Encore!

[MsRowdyRedhead]

WONDERFUL... It DOES make you feel like you are there.  We used to have paintball teams at my old office, but I only went a few times. I kept breaking my fingernails!

I believe you should write more. You show tremendous potential.