Message #149199

[Dudebot5000]

Very nice, Rakoua. Rather action-packed the whole way through, which kept me interested. It leaves me wondering if Sven simply broke through the neural blocker with willpower or something, but it's not really important.

As for the race itself, I found it enjoyable. Then again, what race with illegal stuff isn't fun? =P

Personally, the ending paragraph could use a bit of touch-up work. It sounds like one of those "rush endings" where you just want to finish it and get it over with. Perhaps add some sort of questionable ending, like directly asking if Serena was actually dead. That gives space for the reader to imagine, and thus more hooked into the story.

Aside from that, great job! =D