Dudebot5000
Viridian City Gym Leader
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« on: July 30, 2009, 10:36:18 pm » |
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Well, I didn't see that coming. =P
Personally, with a bit more detail and plot, this could make a fine epic. It may just be me, but the story just seems kinda rushed. Just include some more detail about Sven meeting up with Rakoua and Kenji (Perhaps even make Sven have to talk them into it because they could refuse at first =P) and hold the police discovery out a bit longer (I'm all for Kenji being smart, but it'd be nice to see some more clues leading to the discovery =P)
In other words, the only thing that I think could make it better would be to make it longer and more detailed. Aside from that, it's pretty good. Nice use of explosives. =D
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# of days of torture school survived so far: 86 1/2 as of 01/11/010  Chuck Norris Fact of the Day:The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep. View older quotes here. |
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