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The joke topic

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lionytai
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« Reply #20 on: April 17, 2010, 09:46:25 pm »
How come three men fell into a pond and not a single one was wet?

They were all married!
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Why does the programmer always get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?
Oct 31 == Dec 25
greethan
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« Reply #21 on: April 17, 2010, 10:15:01 pm »
Remember when John Lennon ordered Walrus from Lucy in the Sky and got a haircut on Penny Lane?
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©2010, greethan Quotes, LLC.
Quote from: Isoroku Yamamoto
A military man can scarcely pride himself on having smitten a sleeping enemy; it is more a matter of shame, simply, for the one smitten.
Quote from: George Armstrong Custer
You ask me if I will not be glad when the last battle is fought, so far as the country is concerned I, of course, must wish for peace, and will be glad when the war is ended, but if I answer for myself alone, I must say that I shall regret to see the war end.
Quote from: Chester W. Nimitz
Of the Marines on Iwo Jima, uncommon valor was a common virtue.
Quote from: Robert Frost
The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.
I
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« Reply #22 on: April 18, 2010, 12:00:44 am »
"I have changed my name to Butherford Oscar Bufferboard (BOB). I am a Pastor Of A Comgregation Of Six People Who Are Stupid Enough To Believe Me (POASOSPWASETBM). I also do plumbing."
"Why didn't the chicken cross the road? It was afraid it would become tired."
"I didn't break it. I was just holding it and it became two."
MsRR: Love the fraction joke.
Lionytai: Er, Okey... Three men didn't get wet because they were married? =P
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« Reply #23 on: April 18, 2010, 12:11:30 am »
Not a single one got wet.

single equals not married. Not a unmarried one got wet.
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Why does the programmer always get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?
Oct 31 == Dec 25
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« Reply #24 on: April 18, 2010, 12:15:12 am »
I get it now...LOL.
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« Reply #25 on: April 18, 2010, 12:18:06 am »
Don't ever say Hi to Jack on an airplane.
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Why does the programmer always get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?
Oct 31 == Dec 25
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« Reply #26 on: April 18, 2010, 04:31:04 pm »
What do you call spending the afternoon with a cranky rabbit? A bad hare day.

Once upon a time, long long ago, in a land far far away there lived a woman who was just too busy! She decided to make a clone of herself so she could get twice as much work done. Well, the clone helped her a lot, but it also gave her a bad reputation because the clone constantly swore. One day, the woman couldn't take her clone's foul mouth anymore, so she took it to the top of a building and pushed it off. Soon after, the woman was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.

Why did the booger cross the road, because he was being picked on

What did one casket say to the other casket? Is that you coffin?

What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurty.

What's Irish and stays out all night? Paddy 'O Furniture.

How to you organize a spacey party? You planet.

How do you start a book about ducks?...With an introduction
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The dream is free.. the work to achieve it is sold separately.
Quote from: Flipz on September 18, 2011, 08:51:51 pm
Quote from: Flipz on September 18, 2011, 08:15:51 pm
OOC: An OOC expression of horror would confirm your humanity nicely. Wink
MLNO.  The only forum I know where expressions like the one above are commonplace. Tongue
Quote from: Darth Rexus on March 02, 2012, 05:22:02 pm
Everyone is frustrating in their own special way.
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"If you're not havin a good day, change your mind!!"
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« Reply #27 on: April 18, 2010, 08:56:54 pm »
The only one that's left, and I can't think of anything funny, except the sound of my wife watching two and a half men.

how bout a story, with a twisted ending, would that suffice?
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From Frostburgh they came,           the clones of the cold, through the tunnel in the frame,            to a tower so old
clic this eh http://s681.photobucket.com/albums/vv176/legodac/?start=all
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« Reply #28 on: April 18, 2010, 10:56:51 pm »
How do you catch a rabbit? Hide behind a tree and make carrot noises.

What do you get when you cross 100 pigs with 100 deer? 200 sows and bucks!!!

Why can't you play cards in the jungle? Because there's too many cheetas!

What did one frog say to the other? Time's sure fun when you're having flies!

Why don't anteaters get sick? Because they're full of anty-bodies!
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The dream is free.. the work to achieve it is sold separately.
Quote from: Flipz on September 18, 2011, 08:51:51 pm
Quote from: Flipz on September 18, 2011, 08:15:51 pm
OOC: An OOC expression of horror would confirm your humanity nicely. Wink
MLNO.  The only forum I know where expressions like the one above are commonplace. Tongue
Quote from: Darth Rexus on March 02, 2012, 05:22:02 pm
Everyone is frustrating in their own special way.
Quote
"Right is right, even if everyone is against it. Wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it." ♥
"If you're not havin a good day, change your mind!!"
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« Reply #29 on: April 18, 2010, 11:08:46 pm »
Quote from: Dave Barry
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.

Quote from: Dave Barry
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
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« Reply #30 on: April 19, 2010, 08:14:53 am »
Why shouldn't you tell secrets on a farm?
The corn have ears, the potato have eyes, and the beanstalk.(beans talk)
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Why does the programmer always get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?
Oct 31 == Dec 25
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« Reply #31 on: April 19, 2010, 02:45:59 pm »
f a athlete get's athlete's foot what does an astronaut get? Mistle Toe.

Santa says to Mrs. Claws "Any idea what the weather will be like for Christmas?". Mrs Claws: "Look's like rain, dear"

What did the digital watch say to his mom? "Look mom no hands."

How does the gingerbread man make his bed? With cookie sheets.
 
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The dream is free.. the work to achieve it is sold separately.
Quote from: Flipz on September 18, 2011, 08:51:51 pm
Quote from: Flipz on September 18, 2011, 08:15:51 pm
OOC: An OOC expression of horror would confirm your humanity nicely. Wink
MLNO.  The only forum I know where expressions like the one above are commonplace. Tongue
Quote from: Darth Rexus on March 02, 2012, 05:22:02 pm
Everyone is frustrating in their own special way.
Quote
"Right is right, even if everyone is against it. Wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it." ♥
"If you're not havin a good day, change your mind!!"
lionytai
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« Reply #32 on: April 20, 2010, 07:20:45 am »
What did the father toamto say after he stepped on his baby tomato for being far left behind?

"Next time, ketchup!"
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Why does the programmer always get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?
Oct 31 == Dec 25
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« Reply #33 on: May 03, 2010, 08:00:57 pm »
What do you call a dog with an automatic machine gun?
A dogmatic!
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« Reply #34 on: May 03, 2010, 09:29:09 pm »
Quote from: Black-Shadow_Hawk on April 18, 2010, 12:00:44 am
"I have changed my name to Butherford Oscar Bufferboard (BOB). I am a Pastor Of A Comgregation Of Six People Who Are Stupid Enough To Believe Me (POASOSPWASETBM). I also do plumbing."
"Why didn't the chicken cross the road? It was afraid it would become tired."
"I didn't break it. I was just holding it and it became two."
MsRR: Love the fraction joke.
Lionytai: Er, Okey... Three men didn't get wet because they were married? =P
You mean a POACOSPWASETBM?
Foolsih, foolish. Wink
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©2010, greethan Quotes, LLC.
Quote from: Isoroku Yamamoto
A military man can scarcely pride himself on having smitten a sleeping enemy; it is more a matter of shame, simply, for the one smitten.
Quote from: George Armstrong Custer
You ask me if I will not be glad when the last battle is fought, so far as the country is concerned I, of course, must wish for peace, and will be glad when the war is ended, but if I answer for myself alone, I must say that I shall regret to see the war end.
Quote from: Chester W. Nimitz
Of the Marines on Iwo Jima, uncommon valor was a common virtue.
Quote from: Robert Frost
The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.
I
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« Reply #35 on: May 03, 2010, 09:51:09 pm »
Oh, man, forgive the typo. Sue me.
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« Reply #36 on: May 04, 2010, 12:45:53 pm »
from BZP:

Quote
windows 7

greatest joke ever
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Talk To Me          Quote Archive
Quote
I've got no place to go, I've got nowhere to run.
They love to watch me fall, they think they know it all.
I'm a nightmare, a disaster, that's what they always said.
I'm a lost cause, not a hero, but I'll make it on my own.
I've gotta prove them wrong - It's me against the world.
Quote
It is, in the end, whatever the **** I want it to be.
And when I'm through with it, it's gonna blow a hole this wide
straight through the worlds own idea of itself.
...
Come on, lets go break their arms.
MsRowdyRedhead
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« Reply #37 on: May 04, 2010, 06:45:33 pm »
The Power of a Badge


DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an
old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your
ranch for illegally grown drugs" The rancher says, "Okay,
but do not go in that field over there," as he points out
the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying,
" Mister,  I have the authority of the Federal Government
with me."  Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he
removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.   
"See this badge?  This badge means I am allowed to go
wherever I wish.... on any land!  No questions asked or
answers given.  Have I made myself clear?  Do you
understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about
his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams
and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased
by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...


With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer,
and it seems likely that he'll get gored  before he reaches
safety.  The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher
throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at
the top of his lungs.....





"Your badge!
Show him your BADGE ! "
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The dream is free.. the work to achieve it is sold separately.
Quote from: Flipz on September 18, 2011, 08:51:51 pm
Quote from: Flipz on September 18, 2011, 08:15:51 pm
OOC: An OOC expression of horror would confirm your humanity nicely. Wink
MLNO.  The only forum I know where expressions like the one above are commonplace. Tongue
Quote from: Darth Rexus on March 02, 2012, 05:22:02 pm
Everyone is frustrating in their own special way.
Quote
"Right is right, even if everyone is against it. Wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it." ♥
"If you're not havin a good day, change your mind!!"
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« Reply #38 on: May 04, 2010, 06:59:56 pm »


that's great
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Talk To Me          Quote Archive
Quote
I've got no place to go, I've got nowhere to run.
They love to watch me fall, they think they know it all.
I'm a nightmare, a disaster, that's what they always said.
I'm a lost cause, not a hero, but I'll make it on my own.
I've gotta prove them wrong - It's me against the world.
Quote
It is, in the end, whatever the **** I want it to be.
And when I'm through with it, it's gonna blow a hole this wide
straight through the worlds own idea of itself.
...
Come on, lets go break their arms.
MsRowdyRedhead
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« Reply #39 on: May 04, 2010, 07:02:35 pm »
A husband took his young daughter to the grocery store to help him buy groceries. In addition to the healthy items on his wife's carefully prepared list, the two of them returned home with a package of sugar-filled cookies.


"Why in the world did you buy those?" his wife asked. "You know they aren't good for you!"


"Oh, but don't worry, honey, these cookies have one-third less calories than usual in them," the husband replied.


The wife looked all over the package but couldn't find any claim to that fact, so she asked, "What makes you think that?"


"We ate about a third of the box on the way home."
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The dream is free.. the work to achieve it is sold separately.
Quote from: Flipz on September 18, 2011, 08:51:51 pm
Quote from: Flipz on September 18, 2011, 08:15:51 pm
OOC: An OOC expression of horror would confirm your humanity nicely. Wink
MLNO.  The only forum I know where expressions like the one above are commonplace. Tongue
Quote from: Darth Rexus on March 02, 2012, 05:22:02 pm
Everyone is frustrating in their own special way.
Quote
"Right is right, even if everyone is against it. Wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it." ♥
"If you're not havin a good day, change your mind!!"
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