Message #298782

[Canama]

Cave Johnson is the best character there ever was.

"All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! I don't want your [dang] lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's managers! I am Cave Johnson, do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! WITH THE LEMONS! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!"

"You're not part of the control group, by the way - you get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint, ha ha! ...All joking aside, that really did happen. Broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative, or so I'm told."

"The lab boys just informed me that I should not have talked about the control group. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all [darn] day!"

"All these science spheres are made of asbestos, by the way. Keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough, or your heart stopping, because that's not part of the test - that's asbestos."

"Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face."

-Canama