Rosewater (Current chapter: 1)

[The Truth]

     "Come on, there must be some mistake!" Joshua said, trying not to yell.  "Of course there was a mistake, Mr. Rend. Why else would you have been accepted to an all-girl's school?" Mrs. Termi, Joshua's counselor at his boarding school, said. "I already emailed the Rosewater staff. But until I get a reply, I'm afraid you will have to attend." "But-but-" "Mr. Rend, I am afraid you do not have any choice." "But-" "Look at it this way: As the only boy there, the odds will be in your favour."

                                                                          ~~~~~~~~~~

        Rosewater Academy (For Girls) was a huge building, more like a palace than a school. The exterior was made of polished marble, surrounded by a 15-foot fence. Beside the gate was a large sign, reading No cell phones permitted within Rosewater grounds. Ever.
Joshua sighed, then walked over to the gate and pressed the button labelled "push for entry", and waited. Nothing happened. Right as he was reaching over to press it again, the gate opened. He walked in, and the gate closed behind him. The Rosewater grounds were well-kept, filled with gardens, fountains and statues, a single one of which probably cost more than the average house. Joshua walked over to the front door, and entered the school itself.

        The inside of the school was as fancy as the outside. Floors and walls of polished marble, expensive carpets, valuable paintings on the walls, statues like those outside, and illuminated by beautiful crystal chandeliers. Considering the size of the building, Joshua felt he would never be able to explore more than half of it.

         He was halfway down the hallway when he heard a faint "thud" and felt someone behind him. He turned around, and found himself facing a girl, about his age, with waist-length blonde hair and piercing green eyes. She didn't look happy to see him.

        "Who are you?" She asked, glaring at him. Joshua looked around. He had no idea where she had come from, as there were no other doors he could see. "W-where did you come from?" "The air vent. Now answer my question."
"Er…I'm Joshua Rend. A computer error transferred me here, and I was told I had to attend Rosewater until the error was corrected. And you are…?"

         The girl looked at him suspiciously, then answered "Sally Finch."
"Nice to meet you." Joshua held out his hand. She glared at it like she was expecting it to attack her. "Yeah, whatever. Have you seen the Orientation video yet?" "No." "Fine then, follow me. All new students must watch the video, even boys who have no business being here. Of course, that's my opinion. Kate and Kitten will probably be overjoyed to see you. They've been here longer than me, and you'll be the first boy they've seen in three years."

         "So, how many students are here?" Joshua asked. "Counting you? Four." Sally replied. "Huh? Only four students in the whole school?" Joshua asked, surprised. "Rosewater has hundreds of billions of dollars, so it can afford to be VERY selective. Which is why it's so weird you got in." Sally said, leading him down another hall. "Say, why haven't I seen any staff? No security, no teachers…" Joshua said, noticing just how empty the huge building felt. "There aren't any. Rosewater is fully automated." Sally answered, in a voice that told Joshua to stop talking.

        They arrived in a large auditorium. One wall was taken up by a huge screen, like the Imax screens Joshua had seen at museums. The screen turned on, and Joshua was surprised to see it was 3D. On the screen, a well dressed middle aged man stood in front of a half-built Rosewater Academy. "Hello, students." He said. "I am Alan Rosewater, founder of Rosewater Academy. I wish I could be there to greet you in person, but since I am not, you can safely assume I am dead." Joshua thought this was a very odd way to begin an orientation.

        A mechanical female voice took over. "Alan Rosewater began construction of Rosewater Academy eight years ago, in mid-2003. An eccentric billionaire, Rosewater made the school in honour of his daughter Veronica, who died at the age of five, back in 1996. Sadly, Mr. Rosewater never lived to see his dream completed, as he died a mysterious death in June 2005, only a week before the Academy opened.

"Since then, the Academy has been run in accordance with the rules he laid out, and been kept funded by the Rosewater Foundation, a group Mr. Rosewater left all his money to. The Rosewater Foundation actually has no members, but is kept running entirely by computer, much like this very school."

        Joshua wondered why the orientation video was telling him this, but decided it didn't matter. The video continued "The rules here at Rosewater are simple. You may do whatever you wish, and you are not required to attend any classes. You will get straight As no matter what, and Rosewater will ensure you get into any college you wish after graduating. However, be aware: Cell phones are STRICTLY prohibited. Furthermore, all internet access is filtered through the Rosewater firewall, which will block access to all message boards, chat rooms, social networking sites, email (aside from the official Rosewater email), comments sections of sites, blogs, and so on. Finally, you may not leave the Rosewater grounds. Your every need will be provided for right here until you graduate in four years."
Those are…odd…rules…" Joshua said, slowly. Sally stood and pointed at the door. "Orientation's over, let's go."

        Sally showed him around the school a bit, though she was clearly not happy about it. When a bell rang, Sally told him it was time for lunch, and led him to the cafeteria. It was there that Joshua met the other two students. As soon as he entered the room, a very energetic girl with long brown hair and bright green eyes ran over to him. "HiI'mKaitlindoyouhaveagirlfriend?" She asked, very quickly. Joshua blushed. "Er…hi. I'm Joshua." Before Kaitlin could say anything else, another girl ran over, shoving Kaitlin aside.

        All Joshua really noticed about her (before becoming rather flustered and simply staring at her) was her lavender hair. "Hi, I'm Kitten." She introduced herself. Joshua, still distracted, simply muttered some gibberish. Sally rolled her eyes. "Want me to zap him? I've got a broken flashlight that puts fifty volts through anyone it touches…" Kitten shook her head, then grabbed Joshua's chin and tilted his head, so that he was looking her in the eyes. "Hi." She said again.
Joshua blushed, for the second time in as many minutes. "I...er…sorry?"

        After he had recovered from his embarrassment (and apologised another half-dozen times), Sally informed him that "Yeah, watching you make a fool of yourself is fun, but I'm hungry. Move it."

        Joshua had a bit of a hard time figuring out how to order, but eventually Sally, wanting to get him out of the way so she could order, told him how to use the mechanical chef. "Just tell it what you want, idiot!" Joshua blushed yet again, ordered a pizza, and moved. Behind him, he heard Sally order "two steamed Maine lobsters, and a four layer chocolate cake." Joshua began to regret ordering a simple pizza immediately.

        What was this BOY doing here? She had programmed the system so carefully! Even if this "Joshua" did meet the other requirements for the Rosewater Project, the system still should have noticed he was a boy! And now he had already been inside Rosewater…she couldn't simply send him back, he might talk, and if he told people about the way Rosewater worked, they might get suspicious, investigate... But he couldn't stay, either. He could ruin everything. Which left only one option…

        Joshua felt a sudden chill run down his spine, and had a feeling he was being stared at. Turning around, however, he simply saw the three girls talking amongst themselves, and decided he had been mistaken.















Rosewater may not have succeeded as an RPG, but I still remember exactly what I wanted in the story. New chapters will be posted here approximately whenever I feel like it, and the uncensored versions are available here.

[Flipz]

Oops.   I remember this, it was fun, but we needed more characters.  Well, that, and I kinda hijacked it (as usual) by turning it into a Nancy Drew RPG. XD

[KnightsFan]

I clicked on this because it's Friday and I have nothing better to do. However, I am already intrigued to see where the story leads - great job! I'm not sure I especially like your actual writing and story pacing, but it's waaay too early to judge either of those so I won't say anything more on that. I'll be interested to see future installments.

[Canama]

     "Come on, there must be some mistake!" Joshua said, trying not to yell.  "Of course there was a mistake, Mr. Rend. Why else would you have been accepted to an all-girl's school?" Mrs. Termi, Joshua's counselor at his boarding school, said. "I already emailed the Rosewater staff. But until I get a reply, I'm afraid you will have to attend." "But-but-" "Mr. Rend, I am afraid you do not have any choice." "But-" "Look at it this way: As the only boy there, the odds will be in your favour."

After I read the first paragraph I thought this was going to turn into a *****

Actually I'm not convinced it isn't

Actually after reading chapter 1 uncensored (but not chapter 2 because I don't have a DeviantArt account) it definitely is

baka!

no

no

and no

[The Truth]

First, I removed an inappropriate word from your post.

Second, if you played the RPG (or read it, it's still in the RPG board), you'd know what it turns into: A murder mystery.


Finally, "baka" is just Japanese for "dummy, fool, etc".


EDIT: And if you're curious, the reason the second is more heavily censored is because Sally swears a lot in that one.

[Canama]

First, I removed an inappropriate word from your post.

Second, if you played the RPG (or read it, it's still in the RPG board), you'd know what it turns into: A murder mystery.


Finally, "baka" is just Japanese for "dummy, fool, etc".

I'm learning Japanese as a second language, I know what "baka" means

My point is that when you shoehorn it into an English sentence it sounds gratuitous, forced, and frankly pretty stupid

Other than what I said though the writing quality was actually pretty good

[The Truth]

I agree, to be honest.
I just couldn't think of a good word for her to use, aside from words that could be considered profane.
Also, this is why you should never edit a story at midnight.

[Canama]

Idiot, moron, etc.

[The Truth]

I'll go with "idiot". Sounds more like something Sally would say.

[MsRowdyRedhead]

Let's try to be a bit more civil with our criticism gentlemen...