The joke topic

[Teddy3333]

The joke topic! You guys must have bad sense humor to not posted this before now! Post all crazy and funnny to this foruM!

[MsRowdyRedhead]

We had one, but it ended up in Archive, I think.
Hopefully this one will do better.

[lionytai]

the joke in Teddy's joke: it's called the toke topic



and the old one may have been gone because I disapeared for  a few months.

[MsRowdyRedhead]

One day the old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long,
discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in
his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!'

 

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew  on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?'

 

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

'Whew!' says the leopard, 'That was close!  That old German Shepherd nearly had me!'

 
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes, but the old German Shepherd sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

 

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

 

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

 

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?’  but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says,

'Where's that monkey? I sent him off an  hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs.  Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! 

[Teddy3333]

From Random Disscussion topic:

o_O

that was... disturbing.

Well, I'm gonna have to go feed my kids now...

Please do... they become quite tasty that way!

tho that's quite sig-worthy. =P

are those your kids, Teddy?

No. This is the only public picture I have of my own kids.

its... definitely goat-like. =P

...Goat like?

i've seen a goat IRL only like twice, both time in hte petting zoo (in the children's zoo) @ san diego zoo, last time at least 5 years ago. so i really don't know what a domestic goat is supposed to look like. =P

It's odd to look at a cute little kid and consider different seasonings...

O_O

okayyyyyyyyy then.....

I'm a farmer, I eat cute things! Ok, I don't eat kids... I wait until they're older and ugly and THEN eat them!

O_O

*backs away faster*

They have to be drinking milk to make rennet (for cheese) out of their intestines.

*eyes widen*

*is now out of sight and earshot of teddy*

Of course I wouldn't do that, but I wonder if you can just run the whole dang thing through a sausage press...

wow....thats just wow.(runs away with a loaded gun)

good idea. don't want to run into this guy when he hasn't eaten. >_>

hey mtm (tosses mtm a another gun) here you go just in case

[MsRowdyRedhead]

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes And you're barefoot.

[Mahri828]

 In the French militaries final stand against the Germans, they took sticks of dynamite and threw them at the oncoming army. The Germans then retaliated by lighting the dynamite and throwing it back. =P

Lol. I don't know why I like French jokes so much.

[MsRowdyRedhead]

A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.
But it also lit up her arm, too!

Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.

A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.

When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, "My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm."

[Mahri828]

 Four passengers are in a plane, a lawyer, an old priest, a doctor, and a little boy. The pilot realizes the plane is going to crash, and announces it on the intercom and jumps out with a chute. Only 3 chutes remain. The doc says, " I save people, I should get to live", and he jumps with a chute. The lawyer says, "I'm the smartest man in the world, I get to live", and he grabs a chute and jumps. The priest looks at the kid, and he says, "You know, I've lived a long life, you can have the last chute kid". The little kid says, "Oh, don't worry Mr. Priest, the smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."

[Teddy3333]

From Facts about Yourself:

my stomach is growling...

When processing the kid you must make the incision just behind the left rear leg and slice straight through to the throat. Did I solve your appetite problem?

not that hungry anymore.....

*gags*

I'm not either...

*re-reads post* *stomach growls*

*Leaves topic, trying not to chuck*

Cows are easier than goats 'cause it all just falls out.

*gags again*

Teddy... do you like making people get sick?

No. I can't give you the flue through a forum!

obviously he does. but i'm not hungry anymore. =P

[MsRowdyRedhead]

This is only half funny:


Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters , but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this? Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:



1. Teaching Math In 1950s



A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?



2. Teaching Math In 1960s



A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?



3. Teaching Math In 1970s



A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?



4. Teaching Math In 1980s



A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.



5. Teaching Math In 1990s



A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok. )



6. Teaching Math In 2009



Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?





Year 2010 b





Who cares,  just steal the lumber from your rich neighbor's property, he won't have a gun to stop you, and the President says it's OK anyway cuz it's redistributing the wealth.  Forget the math.

[Teddy3333]

I'm laughing so hard I think I'm going to fall off my chair! Hehe... But it's so sad, because it's true, too! O_O
Did you write that?

[Mahri828]

 Your right MsRR, that is only half funny, since it's so true. People in my school (High School) have asked me for help on addition problems some times! And on their times tables...  :-\

 How do you make a fight with a French soldier fair? You let him hop in a tank and you grab a baseball bat. =P

[Teddy3333]

"I love spring. It's so full of bounce!"
"It wasn't a learning curve. It was a corner. That doubled back on itself."
"To go as far as the crow flies, stop at the first roadkill you find."
"Cancer annonymous: 'Where'd you get tha pizza? I got mine at Little Seizures."
"Salt Lick City"
:EDIT:
"Has the constitution been burned here or something??!"

[lionytai]

Why did the boy player football with the vending machine?

He wanted to get his quarterback.

[Teddy3333]

OK now I can put more of my quotes on!
"If push comes to shove, don't be standing near a cliff."
"Politicians have no moral fiber. They're all acrylic."

[lionytai]

Why did Teddy eat his homework?

The teacher said it was a piece of cake.

[Teddy3333]

LOL, haha...
Why didn't the chicken cross the road? He stopped, cold turkey.

[lionytai]

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Chickens weren't invented yet.

Why did the teddy bear cross the road?

The chicken was on vacation

[MsRowdyRedhead]

What do you call a sleeping cow? A bulldozer.

Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions?

What do you get when you squeeze an olive? Oliver Twist!

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn? She had mittens!

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday? "Thanks, I'll never part with it!"