My Short Stories

[The Truth]

Been meaning to post this...
Here are the links to my short stories, along with some descriptions. If there is no link, it means I have not posted the story yet. Stories marked with a *  require a DeviantART account to view.
(Note: Though the stories have little to do with each other, they all take place in the same universe)

N'Gel* : A typical zombie story...from the zombie's point of view.

The Statement of Matthew Winters: A story inspired by H.P. Lovecraft's "Statement of Randolph Carter".

Reflections: Actually, this story was already posted here. Spending the night in a house of mirrors turns out to be a bad idea.

The Dream of N'Gel:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4 -Probably canceled.
Part 5 -Probably canceled.
A look inside N'Gel's mind.

The Journal: A mysterious journal has entries from the future. Though useful at first, the entries then become rather disturbing...


N'Gel's Hunt*: N'Gel hunts for her favourite prey: Humans. -Probably canceled.

The Dead House: An old mansion has a sinister history.

Sounds: Inspired by an article I read about the Anechoic Chamber, and how no human has been able to stay in it for more than an hour.

The Village in the Cliffs: The tale of an expedition into an ancient village...which may not be fully abandoned.

The Sickness: A young girls falls victim to a supernatural disease. (I think this is one of my best)

The Surgeon: A bartender recalls an odd patron.

The Well: An archaeologist encounters something horrible in an ancient pyramid.[/i (I think this is one of my best)

Zombie Movie*: N'Gel goes to the movies.

[KnightsFan]

I just read your Matthew Winters story. I enjoyed it, although I am curious as to how anyone knew Fry was dead if his corpse was an hour's walk below the surface.

they all take place in the same universe

Just curious, are all your works in the same universe?

[Flipz]

I just read your Matthew Winters story. I enjoyed it, although I am curious as to how anyone knew Fry was dead if his corpse was an hour's walk below the surface.

they all take place in the same universe

Just curious, are all your works in the same universe?

Indeed, does this include your RPGs?  It would certainly make Shiza more understandable.

[The Truth]

Indeed, does this include your RPGs?  It would certainly make Shiza more understandable.

No.

The short stories are in one universe, but each RPG is a standalone universe.

I just read your Matthew Winters story. I enjoyed it, although I am curious as to how anyone knew Fry was dead if his corpse was an hour's walk below the surface.

That's...Um...a good question. Maybe I should add a line about his corpse mysteriously appearing by a roadside or something.

[The Truth]

New short story added: The Dead House. (Link in main post)

[KnightsFan]

I just read Dead House, and loved it. It's very well written, even though the premise is a little bit overused. The ambiguous monster/demon in a haunted house, the description of Ezekiel, and the stunted plants are all a bit cliche. If you could've added some unique twist at the end, I believe the story would be ten times better.

But it's pretty awesome as is, and I don't even like horror stories that much.

[The Truth]

It makes sense that the premise is a bit cliche, I suppose - I get many of my ideas from Lovecraft, and I assume many others do too.

My early drafts did all have some more details about the thing in the house, but I just didn't like it. No matter how I tried to describe it or reveal other information about it (its motivation, where it came from, etc) it just didn't look right.

As for a twist...I dislike forced plot twists (and it turns out I was the killer!!!), and I can't think of any twist that would make sense. If you can, I'd love to hear it.


Thanks for the feedback.

[KnightsFan]

Sort of like every single fantasy story being based on Tolkien.

I can see that it would be difficult. And, ultimately, you want the story to feel right to you.

I don't mean a literal plot twist, I mean more of a "moral twist," if you know what I mean. Something that makes the reader think differently about the world. As Lenny says in Memento, "We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are." I think that's one of the critical aspects of the best stories. Sorry, I can't think of anything off the top of my head that fits your story. If you do that, of course you do need proper foreshadowing, because you're right that a forced twist ruins everything.

No problem. I love reading.

[The Truth]

New story added: Sounds. Link in main post.

[KnightsFan]

Interesting. I liked the journalistic narration style at the beginning, which I think was done better than in your previous stories. It reminded me of Jules Verne somehow. However, towards the end, the language became more abstract. I think in such a short story, you can't really afford to change the narrator that much.

As for content, I thought it was brilliant. I did briefly look up the Anechoic Chamber afterwards, and I am intrigued by some of the geometric shapes they make. I'm not too sure where the guy with the urn fits in, but maybe that's just because I'm tired

Nice story. I always enjoy your writing.

[The Truth]

The change in writing style was supposed to suggest that the narrator went insane.

As for the guy with the urn...well, Lovecraft is my main inspiration, and one of the things that makes his stories so creepy is that he never explains it. It's implied that the human brain can't even comprehend the things from his stories.

[KnightsFan]

Yes, I thought that's what was going on. But the entire story is written in past tense, so he should be insane throughout in that case. The change in narration makes it feel too much like a short story and not a realistic memoir, in my opinion.

I mean, I don't care who he is or where he came from, but I don't see why you would put him in the story. He feels a little like the "forced plot twist" we talked about on your other story.

In any case, these are nitpicky details. The stories are great. Is the title related to the Simon & Garfunkel song by any chance? That happens to be one of my favorite songs.

[The Truth]

1: Good point. I guess I could write it off as the narrator starting to panic as (s)he remembers what happened, but I know what you mean.

2: Trust me, the original plot twist was much worse. At least this guy makes a bit of sense if you've read Lovecraft (since in his books, the Outer Gods aren't fond of humans discovering certain secrets)

3: No, I just thought it sounded cool.

[The Truth]

New story: The Village in the Cliffs. Link in main post.

You know, even though these stories all have Unreliable Narrators, I do have an idea of what really happened. I tend to keep those ideas to myself though...

[KnightsFan]

Once again, I enjoyed your latest story.

The only quibble I have about content is that there are too many people for such a short story. It's not a big deal, but when 12 people die quickly with little time taken for each, there's no emotion involved. It's like Stalin said, "The death of one man is a tragedy, the death of a million is a statistic." (Or something like that). It would be more interesting to have fewer characters who have more depth.

Some of your sentences were a tiny bit awkward in the beginning, but not obnoxiously so.

I think I'm getting used to your style, which heightens the stories' enjoyment. It's sort of a detached, aloof story, which becomes more intense, accessible and surreal in the last quarter. The only real problem with that is a reader might get disinterested early on as it looks like just a boring story. That would be a big problem if you wrote a longer story with the same structure, but it's okay for a short story like this one. And, like I said, since I'm used to your style, I kept reading and it was well worth that. Great work!

[The Truth]

I agree with that "a million is a statistic" thing (but it wasn't Stalin that said it).
That said, the only character that I was even trying to develop was Mr. Winters, the others were basically there to die.

I might rewrite the first paragraph, since it is a little awkward, as you said, and a little boring.

Thanks for the feedback, I think you're my best reviewer for my stories.
You always said you wanted a twist...did this satisfy?

[KnightsFan]

Ah, Call of Duty lied to me I even considered making sure it was Stalin before posting but didn't.
Yes, that's exactly what I mean. If this were fleshed into a novel, the extra characters would be perfect, but here it's a little bewildering. Rereading, I can see that Mr. Winters is mentioned more times, but he isn't exactly developed. You could go a little deeper into his personality, etc. Of course, that would add length. I admit that don't read nearly as many short stories as novels, so I'm not the best judge of that kind of thing.

You're welcome. They're fun to read, and I get more out of stories if I analyze them at least a little bit, so it's a win for everyone.

Yes, I did like the twist. I especially liked how you didn't just write "I am the killer!" but made the reader realize it in the course of a few sentences. It is a little bit sudden. Maybe if you foreshadowed a bit in the beginning it would be even better. I can't think of anything specific off the top of my head, though.

...now I feel like a slacker that I don't write more. Maybe I'll write a short story sometime and see if I can actually avoid the things I've criticized in your work

[The Truth]

Adding length is my Kryptonite. I need to work on it, but I have an instinctive aversion to adding unneeded details. I like to think I'm getting better at it, though.

You'd make a good English student. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/EveryoneIsJesusInPurgatory)

Thanks.
I tried to imply a bit that it wasn't JUST the narrator that did it, though...more that the narrator was in charge OF the killer(s)? I guess it makes more sense to me since I know who the narrator was.

You should! I'd love to read your stories.

[KnightsFan]

Yeah, I know. It's a fine line to walk between not saying enough and becoming boringly wordy.

Well, there's a good chance I'll major in English, so I should hope I am... and that article is funny. I used to annoy teachers by coming up with random theories, and then defending them using the text.

Yes, I see. I thought it was clear enough that the narrator was just one of many ancient beings (or whatever they are--their true identity is left ambiguous).

[The Truth]

My English Comp professor likes to joke about those over-analyzing teachers.

If I may quote a (totally serious) lecture I once attended: "So if you draw a line connecting all the Es on a page of Hamlet, you can see that Shakespeare sought to establish a pattern."

Well, though I personally am not a fan of "Death of the Author", I try to invoke it for these stories. So even though I know exactly what happened, I prefer to have the reader try to figure it out.